Does husband involvement & rigorous support makes IVF process more easy?

The process of infertility treatment requires a great degree of patience and mental strength. Not only for the couple that is undergoing the treatment, is it equally challenging for entire unit working for it in my team. Although I try to remain as neutral as possible during the treatment because it is necessary at my end, but still there are moments of distress and enjoyment that affect me up to some extent.

It is a fact that infertility treatment procedures and IVF primarily require physical and mental involvement of the female. However, participation of the father is equally necessary in relieving the stress of would be mother. It makes the relationship stronger and makes the bonding stronger. The couple feels more invested in the pregnancy.

There are various benefits of the involvement of husbands in the IVF process. I have detailed discussion with every couple during and after infertility treatment and try to understand their perception about the whole experience. We chat, discuss and analyze the phases we passed through together. There are a few feelings that come out prominently.

It’s not uncommon for the guy to feel a little left out of the mix during the IVF process. Look at the IVF process as a whole. Your wife or partner will be the one who has to go through the most testing, take all of the medications including the dreaded injections and has all of their hormones racing from the medications that she has been taking to prepare for the IVF procedure. This doesn’t even include the actual IVF procedure which includes the egg retrieval and the embryo transfer which is a huge physical, mental and emotional process that takes a toll on your partner. Needless to say, the female goes through a much harder IVF obstacle course than her husband or partner.

So, how do the guys keep in the mix of the whole IVF process? It’s Easy, provide support for your wife or partner during this emotional and physically challenging time. Stress and anxiety levels will be sky high so keeping your mate calm should be your number one focus. It’s natural to have stress during IVF but if you are there to comfort her and keep her mind at ease, the whole process will be much smoother for both of you.

A husband’s experience when going through an IVF cycle varies depending in large part on how involved he gets. When a husband participates actively with the IVF process it helps to relieve much of the stress on the wife and on the relationship. The more involved he is the more he will feel more invested in the entire experience and more in control over the outcome.

Many husbands complain that they feel left out of the whole IVF process as all the attention and care is apparently directed towards the woman. If anything they may feel that at best they can show up for the retrieval at which time they are expected to donate their sperm on demand. If you should fail at this then all the money, time, hope and efforts were wasted all because you choked when you could not even perform this one “simple” step. There is no witnessed the terror and horrors of war but have seen the devastation resulting from an IVF cycle failed as a result of a husband’s inability to collect a specimen. Relationships often do not survive in the wake of such a disappointment. 

Talk about performing under pressure, there is more at stake in the collection room than pitching in the World Series. Husbands and male partners view IVF from a different perspective than their wives. They are not the ones being injected with hormones; commuting to the physician’s office frequently over a two week span for blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds and undergoing a transvaginal needle aspiration procedure. At least women are involved in the entire process, speak with and see the IVF staff regularly and understand what they are doing and are deeply invested emotionally and physically in this experience. So what is a husband to do?

Many men learn to give their partners injections.  It helps involve them in the efforts and give them some degree of power over the process. They can relate better to what their partners are doing and take pride in contributing towards the common goal of achieving a baby.  The more involved a partner is the more support that is felt by the patient which is not only good for her emotionally but also helps in getting accurate information and directions from the office. It also helps to solidify their relationship. A man’s role in the IVF process is much less arduous when compared with the woman’s. 

In fact, the entire IVF process revolves around the woman. All these processes can be very exciting - and physically and emotionally stressful too. Many men think that their only job is to act as a ‘sperm donor’. While their wife is busy taking all the prescribed medicines and travelling to the clinic frequently for undergoing vaginal ultrasound scans, most men are totally clueless as to what is going on. They prefer to keep themselves detached. It’s not that they are unkind – it’s just that this is the commonest coping mechanism men deploy. This will make his wife feel lonely and abandoned in the process. She may jump to the erroneous conclusion that her husband does not care about her or about the deep desire she has for a baby. Actually, baby-making is exciting when both the partners’ involve themselves completely.

Those couples that appear to deal best with the stress of IVF are ones that do it together. Many husbands learn to give their wives the injections. It helps involve them in the efforts and give them some degree of control over the process. They can relate better to what their wives are doing and take pride that they are contributing towards the common goal of achieving the baby. When possible, husbands should accompany their wives to the doctor visits. They can interact with the staff, get questions answered and obtain a better understanding of what is going on. This not only makes women feel like their husbands are supportive but is helpful in getting accurate information and directions. Both of these things are so important that in a husband’s absence I would recommend that a surrogate such as a friend, sister, or mother be there if he cannot be. 

Support from him and others help diminish the level of stress and especially if it comes from the husband helps to solidify their relationship. Husbands should accompany their wives to the embryo transfer. This can be a highly emotional procedure. Your embryo/s is being placed in the womb and at least in that moment many women feel as if they are pregnant. Life may be starting here and it is wonderful for a husband to share this moment with his wife. Perhaps he may keep the Petri dish as a keepsake as the “baby’s first crib”.  

It is an experience a couple is not likely to forget as their first time together as a family. With regards to the pressure of performing to provide the specimen at the time of the retrieval, I would recommend that a husband freeze a specimen collected on a previous day when he does not have the intense pressure of having to produce at that moment or else. Having the insurance of a back up frozen specimen takes much of the pressure off at the time of retrieval making it that much easier to produce a fresh specimen. There are strategies that can be planned for special circumstances including arranging for assistance from your wife and using collection condoms so that the specimen can be collected during intercourse. Depending on the program these alternatives may be available.

Women are ruled by their hormones-especially during an IVF cycle! Because of all the drugs she is taking, there is being a hormonal roller-coaster going on inside her body. Some hormones drop, rise high and then drop again. These kinds of rapid changes in hormone levels can contribute to increased anxiety and depression in many women. Women can experience lots of crying spells and moodiness during this time. She might get irritated for no valid reason.

A husband’s experience when going through an IVF cycle varies depending in large part on how involved he gets. When a husband participates actively with the IVF process it helps to relieve much of the stress on the wife and on the relationship. 

The more involved he is, the more invested he will feel in the entire experience, and the more control he will feel over the outcome. Many husbands pride themselves in their new found skills of mixing medications and administering injections for their wives. It helps many men who are used to caring for their wives to be in control of administering the medication for them. Successful IVF then becomes something he played a very active role in, and he’ll relate better to the experience, his wife and the resulting baby.

Despite a lack of prior experience, most people can learn to prepare and administer the medication. Whether it is the feeling of “playing doctor” or the knowledge that he is contributing significantly in the process and supporting his wife, most men relate that giving their wives the injections was a positive experience for them and for their relationship.

During the ‘2ww’ many husbands tend to become overprotective. They want their wives to be careful about everything they do. Some don’t even want their wife to get out of bed! Although you might think that you are being kind and caring, this kind of overprotection can make your wife uncomfortable. Your actions might remind her all the time about the embryos inside her uterus. Once the embryos are inside the uterus, nothing she does will affect the chance of implantation. If the embryo is good enough and the uterine receptivity is optimum the embryo will implant - otherwise it will not! This is the only truth, as established by medical science.

Along the same line of thinking, accompanying your wife at the time of embryo transfer can be most rewarding. This can be a highly emotional procedure. Your embryo is being placed in the womb and at least in that moment many women feel as if they are pregnant. Life may be starting here and it is wonderful to share this moment with your wife. Perhaps you may keep the Petri dish as a keepsake as the “baby’s first crib”. It is an experience a husband and wife are not likely to forget as their first time together as a family. I strongly recommend that men don those scrubs, hats and booties and join their wives and partners as the physician transfers the embryos from the dish into her womb. Nine months later, do the same at delivery for memories that last a lifetime.